My friends, what do you see from me? Do you see hatred, anger inside me toward you? Do you feel that as if I treated you as my enemies? Do I still lack of self-control and humility? If you still thinking like that, please tell me how should I behave? I want to know why can you have that kind of impression, I wish that I could be there with you to show you who I really am.
Can't you see something good inside me? My friends, because I really love you, I spend time writing these articles. I tried in many ways to convince you, I become a fool, become a scholar, become a Bible student just for you. I am a slave for everyone, to win as many as posible. I do all this for the sake of the gospel.
Actually, I already had the promise of God for my heaven, I am convinced for that. If I want to be selfish, why should I care about you, or even be mocked, rejected, persecuted by your words? Why should I, my friends? There is no advantage for me to write like this. Do I ask money from you? Do I boast about myself? Do I look like to you that I am looking for fame, for attention? I am not the lonely boy, that need people's attention. I am busy with my activities as well. But still, I can't help it, I can't stop keep silent. God gave great burden in my heart, that I need to testify about Him to everybody.
My friends, I really care about your eternity. I want to see you in heaven. If I love the people who loved me only. That's not love, that is trade off, since even the tax collector does that. Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends (John 15:13). Though I not laying down my life for you, but I do love you with God's love, I ready to sacrifice my time to deal with your questions, your comments in meekness and patience.
Some of you even mock me, many of my friends deserted me. If you followed my friends replies. You will find I have friends who publicly acknowledge me as their EX-friends. It is because of this Gospel. You who read my articles can judge by yourself, am I talking based on my own wisdom, my own understanding, or based on the wisdom that God gave me? I am lying not here, people really hate me, mock me, desert me. I am not trying to be boastful about my problem, not at all. My friends, if I preached the gospel based on my own, and made many people deserted me, I am the most miserable people in this planet. I am looking for trouble for myself. But do I really talk based on my own?
I never see you as my enemies, my enemies is the deceptive spirit who captived you. I will hit hard at those evil spirits every time they come and encounter my articles. If you now start being unsecure with your faith, your belief, I rejoice in my heart, because I have bit by bit scattered your house that was built on the sand. I want to help you, to give you guidance to build your house on the solid Rock, Jesus Christ, so that you will find rest. Nobody can shake you, since you laid on the solid Rock, my Refuge.
My friends, I could simply eat and drink, listen to some preachers, reading my Bible, live my prayful life, stay away from sins, studying my Chemical Engineering, looking for job here in Germany with 2000€ as salary per month. And by keeping my faith grow healthily, I am already in heaven, but God gave me burden in my heart. I try to resist it, but it just getting bigger and bigger till I can't hold it anymore.
I know that God is preparing me intensively through this MP to make me ready for my real battle when I come back to my beloved country, Indonesia. I learned a lot during these past 3 months join this MP. I was born again 1 year 3 month ago, but God helps me a lot, because I am always dealing with all of you, I am preparing myself as well. My sword of word of God is getting sharper and sharper, my shield of faith is getting thicker and thicker. No arrows from enemies can shoot me down.
My friends, I am not just learning what Jesus taught about love, I am practicing it, I am doing it to you right now, whether you can see or not. Honestly, in the past, I was afraid of dying, persecution, but now I am not afraid of anything. God is with me, who can stand before me? Even if I need to die young, it would be better for me, since I will meet my Saviour. Though, If I could ask God, I wish I don't fall asleep soon, because I haven't labored much for Him. I don't want to see Him empty handed. I want to bring souls as many as I could for Him.
I have plead with God like Paul did. He has seen the third heaven. I am also experience deep conviction that I will be in heaven when I am felt asleep. But as God gave Paul the thorn in flesh, God also gave me thorn in my flesh, He gave me great burden for lost souls. I said to Him, 'God, I came to Germany for my career, for my comfortable living in the future, I wanted to be rich, I don't want to be preacher, pastor, or anything related to the Gospel. Please remove the burden within my heart, God.
He said the same thing to me as He said to Paul, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' God is strenghtening me with new spirit every morning. I am very sure that God gave my family problem for my sake, to increase my faith in Him, to depend only on Him. I am very grateful for that. Because of that problem, I getting stronger and stronger in the Lord.
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). Because of these things, I could feel that Bible become more real and real for me. It look like that I am practicing it in my daily life. I really want to be like Paul, labored so much for God. I am not looking for crowns in heaven, I am looking how to please my God, who love me so much and even died on the cross for my sake.
Jesus is saviour of the world, my friends. Repent and ask his forgiveness. He loves you as He loves me. God bless you
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PS: If you have another questions, please refer to http://alvinsu.multiply.com/journal/item/146/. Maybe I have answer for that. God bless you
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