I love my mom

I have a special woman in my heart. Nothing can take her position from me. She is my mom, she is the most important figure in my life. When I was in her womb, my heart beat next to hers, we are one, what she ate I also ate, what she drank I also drank, when she sick I also sick, I just can feel her, when she was happy, angry, afraid, worry, etc. Our hearts connect each others. Her muscles kept me warm and safe.

I was becaming bigger and bigger in her wombs, I hindered her movements, I made her went to bathroom thrown up again and again, I gave her trouble when she wanted to sleep, I made her worry when something bad happen to me. "Doctor, how is my baby? Is he okay? Please doctor, make sure that everything is alright" I kicked her from inside, but she never angry with me. Instead, she smiled, "my baby is kicking, he is healthy". She knows me 7 months earlier than anybody else in the world (I was born premature). When she wanted to enjoy having vacation, I wanted to go out and see the world, I ruined her holiday.

Instead of going for holiday, she went to hospital. My time to see the world has come. What a wicked man I am, I can't let her enjoy herself, even a bit, I kept always make her suffering. She needed hours to deliver me, she was in the life or death situation, she was in birthpain, the greatest pain in the world, for long time. "Mom, hold on. I want to see the world. Hold on, mom. My life is depend on you. If you are tired, I will die inside you. Mom, keep pushing me out, mom."

My friends, if you are still a "boy" or a "girl" and always argue with your mother, you better go to the hospital and see how the woman gives birth. I can guarantee you that afterward, you will love your mother no matter how unperfect she is. And to my sisters, if you have aborted your baby, you should know that his heart was beating next to yours, and just because you are ashamed if people will know your immoral acts, you chose to become a murder. I know that God put the guilt in your heart, you have been regretting about it even up until now. "If only there is a time-maschine", you think. You need to repent and ask God's forgiveness, then He will take away the pain. He will give you peace again. Say sorry to Him with all your heart.

I was so selfish and fool in the past. I don't know how many times I have hurted her and made her cry in silent. The common words came out from my mouth is "Mom is bad. Mom doesn't love me. I hate you, mom".

• When I talked foul words, she gave me chilli to my lips
• When I went outside without tell her, she lock me in the room. I cried from inside, "Mom, you are so mean" and I heard on the other side of the door, she wept and cried. She was also hurt. I can't feel her worry when I went outside without telling her anything, she has been looking for me everywhere, called my friends' house, called my dad, etc. She just panic. If only I know about it before. I would never let her in pain again. I would always cherish her. She is so precious to me.
• When we were eating together. She know that I don't like vegetables, but she force me. I said, "Mommy, your cooking is bad. I don't want to eat it."
• When I ate my favourite fishes, she gave me all the flesh, and she just ate the head and the tail. I said, "Mommy, why you behave like a cat?" She just smiled and answered, "I am not hungry, son. Do you enjoy your food?"
• When I grew old, I start to force her and ask her many, many things. "Mom, I want new shoes, I want new clothing, etc" She said, "wait, son. We must save money first" then finally she bought me a new one, but I dislike it. "Mom, it is not my style" I never wore that shirt, the shirt where she put her thought that it would fit me best. I also never realized that my clothing is far more than hers. She never think about herself, she think only about me. I am her world, but I despise her. I was so selfish. Mom, I love you so much.
• When I was sick, she kept me accompanied, she even didn't sleep to make sure I was okay. I can see from her eyes, so black like Panda in China.
• When I need to go to the school, she woke me up but I said, "Mom, I want to sleep a little longer, you go out first. Don't disturb me." But when I was late, I blamed her, "Mom, why don't you wake me up on time?"

I didn't notice her presence because she always be around me. I didn't realize how much time she spend to cook, to raise up in the morning and preparing everything for the family, to keep the household perfect and tidy. We are 4 siblings. Each child wants something. But she managed it well. One hand on the phone, another hand is cooking, her ears keep hearing the children, make sure the children don't go outside the house for there are lots of fast cars drives, and in her heart, keep thinking about her children' future and her husband who goes for work, pray for him. She pray for her family a lot. She always put my name in her prayer, but I seldom remember her. I just pray for myself. I was just so selfish.

My mother is not perfect. She can't understand me fully. She sometimes quarrel and argue with me and again, my words were just like sword, stabbed her heart again and again. I never realized how many tears she has shed for me. It happened because I can't understand her, I can't understand her situation and I don't want to understand, to care about her. I was just so selfish. I just think that it is the parents' duty to support everything their children needs. I always compare her with somebody else' mother. "Look, she is a good mother. She always gives what her children ask for." I didn't know that it hurted her so bad. Women don't like to be compared with others, especially when the words come from the mouth of her husband or her children. Mom, I am so sorry.

When I was alone in Germany. I just missed everything. I missed my family, and the person I truly missed is my mom. I want to eat her food, I want to be rebuked by her, I want to listen to her voices that always angry, talkative, make my ears hot, etc because it means that she cares a lot about me. I was so bad, I was so bad. I also said to her, "Mom, why don't you be like other mother. They work so that their children have more toys". Now, my truly respect are to the women who manage her household well, the housewife.

• If business women work from 8 am till 5 pm, housewife women work from 5 am till 1 am. She rose very early in the morning, she slept very late in the night, just to make sure the family run well.
• If business women can only manage her jobs, housewife women manage everything, "my first child love fish, second one love meat, my husband need to be reminded about important meeting, my third is on the school, I need to pick him up, I need to go to the bank to pay the rent, the bill, the gases. What is tonight menu? tomorrow there is a wedding, I want to look beautiful so that my husband will be proud of me. Those kind of mind are compacted in one weak, unperfect woman, my mom. But I love her so much.

She was weak so that I can protect her. She was unperfect so that I can support her. She is my world. God, bless her and take care of her. Strengthen her and keep her safe. Give her long life so that I can pay back all her love to me. Father God, please give me time to repay her. I have been living for 25 years but never ever done something that make her happy.

I will go back home soon, I have finished my study. Do you know what my mother asked as gift? She said, "Son, I don't want to ask you anything expensive, keep the money for yourself. You have worked for it. I just want to ask about a little ceramic, in shape of angel, frog, baby, or whatever you find it beautiful. But, son. Don't buy me the expensive one for me. You know that in our home there are lots of ceramics, buy something like that. I love ceramics, you must know it right?"

I was just shock. What an infilial son I am. I don't have any idea what my mother loves so much. I just knew that she loves ceramics when she told me in the phone. I didn't have time to ask, I was so selfish and I have already 25 years old. But thanks be to God. God dealt with me a lot. He changed my heart, from stony heart to heart of flesh. I wept a lot, I cries a lot, I was crying right now the moment I am writing. It is a lie that men don't cry. Love and compassion is something that this world need.

Brothers and sisters, if you still have mother, cherish her. She is your angel, no matter how unperfect she is, no matter how you always argue with her. She is the one that God trusted to give you life and make you able to see the world. I believe your mother will not ask you much, she just need something special from you. Something from your heart. And she will keep it and treasure it till she die. In this end of the year, share your love with your mother, angel from heaven above. God bless you