Today, 28 October, is my wedding anniversary with Christ. After I was born again on 15 April 2007, I have been accepted by God to be His faithful bride on 28 October 2007. On that day, I received my Holy Ghost Baptism. Nobody told me how it look like, how to receive it, etc. And I was newly converted, but God Himself showed me the Way.
I was in Christian retreat when the message from the preacher touched my heart deeply. I can't stand his words. Even though I was already born again, but I saw myself still far from God and I began to weep and weep. I poured out my heart to God. I told Him that I want to commit my life fully for Him. I don't like this body of sins, I want to be holy like He is holy but I can't. I was just a sinner saved by grace. I cried out to Him, "Help me, God!!!"
That was the very first time I cried like a baby, for I always believed that men don't cry. I began to understand the feeling of the sinful woman who wet Jesus' feet with her tears and wipe it with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. That's exactly what happened to me. My tears run down from my eyes like heavy rain. I was really a sinner saved by grace. I can't perceive why He chose me among 6.6 billion of people to be His child. Who am I, God?
I was standing tall when I listened to the preaching and start crying, and suddenly a great power, so majestic poured down upon me. I was still full of pride at that time, I will never bow down before any men or even before God. But no matter how my pride arouse, I couldn't resist Him. From standing tall, God made me kneel down humbly before Him and I bowed down my head gladly. Then suddenly something happened inside my belly like electricity, so warm, so comfortable, so glorious filled my whole body, River of Living Water that satisfied my thirsty.
For those who think that I am too proud of myself, you can stop reading this article, but for those who are willing to grow deeper in the Lord, I want to share you my personal experience. Not teaching of men, but my real experience with God. You can also have the same experience, even greater than mine.
For the very first time, I can feel His Presence, joy leaped from my heart. I wanted to be in that mood forever. I said to God, "God, it is so wonderful. I want to be like this forever. Don't leave me, God. Let me build a tent here, one for You and one for me." It happened for couple of minutes until His Presence gone. Then I was afraid, "God, did I provoke you? Did I offend you? Why did you leave me, God?" I was crying and crying again. Then suddenly, the vision of my own nation started to appear in my mind. Indonesia...Indonesia...I don't know why, but it always disturbed me and I said "God, please save Indonesia". He kept silent. Then I realized that He wanted me to do that.
I said to Him, "God, you must be kidding me, right? I came to Germany to be rich, to be a Master, to have a good job, comfort life, to be far for persecution in Indonesia. I am afraid of being persecuted, God. I don't want to come back to Indonesia. In Germany, I can get 2000€ per month, in Indonesia I just be paid 200€. I am still young, God. Nobody will listen to me. I also want to have my own family, my future. God, you know better than me. I am Chinese-Indo and Christian. I am minority of minority. It is too much for me, God."
He became so quiet, it was silent. Dilemma started waging war in my heart. I don't want to lose His Presence, His glory, His love, but I also don't want to be persecuted, to lose my future, to lose many friends, to create disturbance to "peace". I know very sure that once I preach the Gospel to muslims, buddhist, hindus, even christians or catholics...many of them will dislike me or even worse, they will mock and persecute me.
He became so quiet, silent. "Ooo..God, why me? Please, please, please, God. I will go anywhere, except Indonesia." No answer. I became so worry. "God, are you there? Why you hide Yourself from me?" No answer. I said to myself, "I am a stubborn man, but God is more stubborn than me." Then I said, "Ok, God. You bought me for a price, you bought me by your precious blood. I should be your slave of righteousness, I should just follow and obey anything You command me, even though they put me in prison, persecuted me, handcuffed my hands, or even beheaded me. Is that what You want, God?" I continued, "If You really want me to do that, give me my task and I need your promise that You will always be with me." He is stubborn God. He never give up on me. Praise the Lord...I am so thankful for His stubborness, so that I can stand firm in this faith and share to you my testimonies.
Then I said, "God, let's make a deal. I will open my Bible. One part from Old Testament, one part from New Testament. The very first chapter I see from the left hand side of the page that I open randomly, means that it is Your will and Your promise to me." He said, "Ok, that's the deal". Then He gave me 1 Chronicles 16:7-43 David's Psalm of Thanks and Ephesian 5:22-33 Wives and Husbands.
He gave me assurance about my fear, my worries, my future. He said to me, "I am the Lord your God, My judgments are in all the earth. I remember my covenant forever, the word I commanded, for thousand generations, the covenant I made with Abraham, the oath I swore to Isaac. I confirmed it to Jacob as a decree, to Israel as an everlasting covenant; To you I will give the land of Canaan as the portion you will inherit (1 Chronicles 16:14-18)" He answered my worries about future, about career in Indonesia with that verses. He made me remember His covenant with Abraham, He will bless those who bless him, and curse those who curse him. He promised me that He will bless me and give me promising Land, my heaven.
Then He continued speaking, "I allowed no man to oppress you, for your sake I rebuked kings, "Do not touch my anointed ones, do my prophets no harm (1 Chronicles 16:21-22)" He answered my fear of persecutions in Indonesia. He said that He will protect me. "Do not fear for I am with you. Be still and see that I am God, your Father."
Then He continued speaking, "Sing to Me, all the earth, proclaim My salvation day after day. Declare My glory among the nations, My marvelous deeds among all peoples." God gave me this task, to proclaim His salvation and His glory among nation day after day.
I just amazed. "Wow..God, You are so great. You answered all my questions in this verses." "Ok, God. Today, I made covenant with You. I trust You, Lord Jesus with all my heart. But, God, can You a little be more specific? I want to really know what should I do in Indonesia. Please tell me, Jesus."
Then He showed me Ephesians 5:26-27. He said to me "I want you to make her (churches) holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless."
"Who is this churches, God?" Then He made me think. I saw that there are a lot of denominations, more than 30000, and each day there are new doctrines out to public. There your food, Alvin. Deal with them, with those church-goers, with those "Christian". Many of them are not My children and on the other hands, many of My children scatter in other places, you go and gather them to Me. "How, God?" "Do you see your past life, Alvin?" "Yes, Lord" "Can you differenciate between your past and your present, between your carnal man and your spiritual man?" "Yes, Lord". "So, the same thing that I have shown you, you go and show them that many of them are still in their imaginary heaven, heaven that never exist, heaven that created because of their wishful thinking of their itching ears".
"Make them holy and blameless, without stain and wrinkle and any other blemish, Alvin! I prayed for them, so that they will be one, may them be brought to complete unity to let the world know that I, your God, sent Jesus and I, your God loves them, as I love my Son, Jesus Christ." There is no unity right now, people are biting each others. Go with your sword and fight the enemies with them, rebuke, reproof, correct them, but Alvin, I warn you. Do not mislead, My children for I will judge you more strictly."
"Ooo, God. That's so difficult. I am sure I will be hated and persecuted. Do you really mean that, God? "Yes, I mean it" "Ok, God. But give me one more thing, you know that I came to Germany because of my father's labor, he worked hard to send me here, allow me to finish my Master first so that people that I will interact with, will not have any chance to think that I am a failure, and began to say that because I can't pursue Master Degree in Chemical Engineering then I because preacher who teach Prosperity gospel to get easy money."
"And God, while I am doing that, You can do anything You like to me, God. Deal very hard if You think it is necessary, I am ready to be taught by You. But I have another thing, God. I don't want to worship you in vain, I don't want to go in the wrong way and mislead people far from you, I just want to be taught by You. Give me the head like the hardest stone like You gave to Ezekiel, so I will never be yielded to wrong doctrines." Then finally, He said "Ok, Alvin. Just be prepared, I have something for you."
And during this 1 year, God dealt with me greatly. He gave me family's problem, He made me lose my previous ambition (to be rich, to be comfy, to be famous, etc). He scattered everything that I used to depend on. My father's position, my house, my car, my girlfriend, my computer, my everything. He started anew from little beginning. Now what I see is just vanities of vanities. Life without Jesus is meaningless. I have nothing to lose. Actually, I was humbled by God till the lowest level.
Have you been in the position where your father almost commited suicide and God saved him? Have you been in the position where you parents almost divorced but God intervened? Have you been in the position where your mother almost die in car accident? Have you experienced God changed your brain, from having many bad marks and almost stuck for another year, but God made it sound and fine without any bad mark left (He did this to my brother)? Have you ever imagined how a young man whose father has just enough to live able to study in Germany? Have you ever experienced being taken care by God miraculously, I tell you the truth, God provides everything I need in Germany. My parents can only sustain me for 1 year, but now I am in Germany for more than 2 years. Have you ever been in traffic accidents where your both hands broken, your front teeth lost. I happened to me.
My friends, I am really talking like a fool. I wish you didn't see me as "Alvin", but you see that Jesus is able to sustain "Alvin" in many things he does. It is all about God, not me. You can have the same experience like me, even greater. I would always want to encourage you to grow deeper in Christ. Jesus alone is more than enough, His grace is sufficient. He is our Father. Trust in Him, commit yourself to Him fully. Let's work for Christ. See the harvest? It is already reap, but the workers are few. Do you want to go to heaven alone? Don't you care about your family, neighbours, friends, relatives, or even your enemies? Can't you see that He will come soon?
If you really want to be used greatly by God, tell Him. But please, do not joke with Him, do think carefully first. Being disciplined by God is painful moment, but it is for our own good. But, please... if you claimed that you are Christian, but you don't want to preach, at least don't be a stumbling block for others. Be salt and light of the world. Is that too difficult? I don't think so. But if you really want to have close relationship with God, please start to be faithful in few things, and He will give you trust for many things.
My friends, I can boast that if I died, I go to heaven which are the better place than this falling world, and if I continue living, I can make Him smile and say to me "Well done, My child. There you are, My big boy. I am proud of you" And then I can say to my Father, "Dad, you gave me 5 talents, now I bring you 10. I hope You are happy. I hope I can at least repay my debt to You for saving me from mud of sins, from eating with pigs. I have assurance for that and I believe that any children of God will have the same assurance. This is not merely mental conviction, or because of the mood of circumstances. It comes with Power, with Holy Spirit, with deep conviction. You know it by yourself.
If you still don't have this assurance, if your prayers still stuck on the roof, if your fellowship seem so boring, if you can't pray more than 20 words, if you are lazy to read the Bible. You are still in your imaginary heaven. Repent and get everything right with God. I don't know if I communicated with you. But please, if you claim you are a Christian, don't make the name of Jesus blasphemed among the Gentiles. He is my Saviour, my Lord, my King. I love you, Father, Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.
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